Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
