We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
