And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
