how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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