Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Threesome in a minivan. New low
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
