Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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