She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
