I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
