i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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