His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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