i just google imaged poop.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
