It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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