nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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