so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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