I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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