Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
