First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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