Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize