I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
