This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
