What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
