Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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