She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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