you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
