Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
