my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
