He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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