He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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