Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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