Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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