You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
