if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
