He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
