Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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