It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
