He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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