we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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