Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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