Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
