i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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