I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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