Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
