Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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