I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
