saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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