So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
