you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
