if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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