Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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