Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
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he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
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He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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