My Higher Power is John Stamos
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
