Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.