Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?