My underwear smells like fireworks.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
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I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?