I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-