Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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