Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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