I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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