What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
