I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
