At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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