What a fucking waste of an outfit
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
