there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
