I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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