is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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