A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
