I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
