either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My bed smells like the plague
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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