I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
