I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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